Phoenix is a jerk
by mattgavin
Summary: This story is about phoenix wright, ace jerk and how he i a jerk.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

**NOT GUILTY. Th**e vedrict wrung out through the courthouse and gumshoe cheered and threw the confetti like in the back of the instructions for the game. Ron delite was not a murderor but also he could not get guilty for being mask de mask even though he actually was because of double jeapordy. In the lobby phoenix realised this and got mad because he got a criminal off the hook and that had never happened before except with SPOILERS! that french dude with the hair who he actually didnt get off the hook but that wasn' t the point because he almost did. Plus if ron got in jail right could loose his viginity to desiree who obviously wanted in his pants but was married.

He tok out his cell phoone and went on contacts details and clicked "De Killer"

De Killer heard his iPhone busting out the english national anthem remixed with some sick beats and cool hooks and answered it like a british person would (AN: ik he isnt british but he hsa a monacle so he is in this) with his pinky stuck out like in that episode spongebob because that was his favourite briish cartoon and it haddavid Bowie in it one time.

"Top o' the mronin to ya" said de killer

"Hi this is pheonix wright, i needd you to assassinate ron de lite cause hes a dirty thief and then i can marry his hot wife he winked"

"ok but first we have to meett up because according to my testimony in case 4 i have to do that and donnt forget a hit costs like 20 dollars. And i cant seeyou winking you numpty (it means stupid person)" And he hung upp.

"Damnit where am i going to get 20 dollars!" screamed phoeni x throughout the courthouse but noone heard because it was night now and the cleaning guy was deaf.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Phoenix snook into lordly tailer at night looking for treasure to steel. TThe crappy kurain xzibit thing was still goin on and he just stood there rapping while phoenix stol the urn and an alarm went of. Adran Andrews came down from the ceiling like catwoman and screamed

"Your preshus URNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN !" (play the games its funny) she whispered as she started doing all backflips with her whip becaus von karma said he would teach her and he did.

She whipped phoenix in the face who swore but it came out in a white spiky bubble like objection which ripped her costume because it was spiky.

"you fool! She said This cost 100000 dollars!" she said with an angry face.

Phoenix was scared and a little turned on so he paid her 100 pounds in cash and gave her some fanart he drew of Franziska von karma and adrin forgave him and they had a hug to show no hard feelings.

"dayum" said xzibit who was recordin this in case he could get a new show on mtv who then made it a group hug becaus he was a lonely dude.

"pl\aytimes over" sed adrin who stipped off the rest of her outfit to reveal she was actually...Frank Sahwit!1


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"frank i thought you were dead!" said Phoenix

"I was but i was such a well loved character the writers brought me back like shadow in sonic" replied sahwits mole who had the voice ofdarth vader to show he ment bisness. He then killed xzibit with the real statue of the thinker because he was now ripped and like 8 feet tall but he still had clothes on and because xzibit wasn't reely doing anything.

"wots a writer" said phoenix and everyone laughed at his stupidity except for phoenix and sahwit who was too ripped to laugh or talk but his mole talked for him but it was actually his mouth because he wasn't that ripped.

They stood around staring at each other like in dragonball z and then started screaming for ages like in dragonball z and the shop opened because they screamed for that long and people came in and stared thinking they were part of the exhibit but he was dead on the floor so they called the policewho couldn't come because they were too busy arresting the wrong peeps for murder.

"typical" said phoenix who somehow knew this as sahwit charged at him with the thinker.

Just then the steel samurai ringtone played and phoenix took out his crappy phone which everyone laughed at because it was old and phoenix felt quite sad and texted his mum about it but she ha d been killed by sahwit 20 years ago which just made things personal.

"wassup" he said

"yo you've just been chosen to be in the new marvel vs capcom game" said some random dude on the phone.

"bout f-ing time" said phoenix and threw his phone to the side like a badass to show sh-t was going down. The phone hit a crowd in the head and he got a concussion and went to hospital. Some randomer was arrested and executed for it because phoenix wsa too busy fighting to defend him and the police are idiots (srsly guys they arres liek one wright person!111!11!) and the guy who was executed was called kristophklavier gavin sr! (plot point))

Phoenix levelled up and did a hyper combo (Wikipedia tol me about those :))))))))) and killed sahwit so the plice arrested some other random guy who wasn't a plot point but still dies but doesn't get a name.

"Looks like SAHWIT didn't SEE IT coming!" quipped phoenix and no one got it cause they dint know who he was so he just feltsilly.

He went and sold the urn to maya for $19.99 and then he found a $20 bill on the floor so he spent the $19.99 on a how to play piano book.

"just in case he foreshadowed now...to meet de Killer" phoenix said looking like a cool dude...


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

De killer was getting ready for hsi big meeting with phoenix but put a fake mustash on so no one new it was him except no one new what he looked like anyway so it just made him look more evil and devious.

He walked down a british street and took a shortcut through Scotlaand's yard were all the police shouted "oi" (british thing!) and through their bangers and mash at him coz he was trespassing but if they knewhe was de killer they would have let him because he is a badass and he did a job for the queen once.

De killer exited the yard and found himself in the queens aircraft hangar, where he jacked a jet and flew it over to japanifornia and landed next to the empire state buildin but phoenix was already there in a disguise ofa phoenix wright cosplayer.

"you gonna kill delite" said phoenix

"yea" said de killer pulling out a gun and killing 7 peeps with one bullet in front of him, including a traffic warden who was giving his jet a ticket

These were code words so they knew they were the right person for the job.

"how do i know you have the skill said phoenix

Let me put it this way said de killer, ordering a pint from the bar "you get what you pay for" and he downed his piny in one. Phoenix was impressed until he started choking on it and had to give him mouth to mouth even though it wasn't necessary and just made itweird.

"heres the 50 dollars i owe you-half now and half afterwards" said phoenix, handing him a $25 dollar bill (do they have those? Idk :PPPP) and de killer replied "what don't you trust me?" (he needs his clients to trust him! Play the games! and they both laughed and then it got quiet an de killer thought the moment required a kiss but phoenix rejected him and the whole state building was awkward.

"ok" said de killer as they parted ways "ron de lite is going down" and he vomited all over the pavement because he was british and they all get drunk i think.

"I'll see you soon" said phoenix and walked off into Tokyo tower because thats where his office is because he was rich when he won the lottery with de killer.

De killer knew exactly what he was going to do nexthe pulled out his wollet and found a KB security card...


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

rON was nowh ead of KB security caus Bullard had left it in his will cause ron was actually his ling lost illegitmat son but they had both kept it secrey because neither knew sbout it. He had called it ron bodyguard place and had advert s on tv during the superbowl so everyone would no he was serious businesss. His wife Also hung around as his secretary who he was sleep with and occasional have sex with (but no detal here guys sory its only a teen one i ship engarde/kristoph btw ;) i might do a fanfic bout them soon tell me what you think ;))))))))))) De killer had to kill a lot of corridas bodyguards in the wright vs engarde case spoilers! but the police misssd them in there investigation and a lot of them came from rons company in the future because they were time travelling bodyguards and thats why they were so successful except they could only go bak in tim ecept whrn they had to go forward which was somwtims.. This meant it was personal and the De killer put on shades but it was a monocle so it was a sunmonocle and it had night vision so de killer could see the lasers in delites security building.

He started doin flips and sh-t like in the resident vil movies (but not like the crapy spin off games amirite? :/) and dodged all the lasers like leon s mother-ckin kennedy. Then a gatling gun came down the hallway and unloded into dekiller bullets cutting into him like metal into stood there and took it LIKE A BOSS )lonely island reference!) and then shot the gatling gun and made it explode cause he was such a good shot. He arrived at the ceo office and kicked down the door even tho he had a keycard so ron wouldny kno he had come in but ron herd him! He pulled out his mask de mask sword and shield and ate some mask de mask energy drink for an extra boost and charged at dekiller from behind and dekiller blocked it with his teeth. But ron ws prepared for this and pressed the emergency buzzer but he left a fingerprint this time (stolen turnabout reference :DDDDDDDDDDDD) and he had made it into a trap hole which killed dekiller because he was summoned with more than 1000 attack pooints. "if only yo were admiral akbar" lafgh ron as de killer fell but then de killer turned and sad no if only YOU were admiral akbar" he said and then a bomb went off in the office caue he had planted one there back when kane bullard was good friends with him in case a situation lik this ever cam up. "its a trap shouted de killer smugly and waiting for the csi music to happen but it didn't and de kiler was chased down the trap hole by the explosion...

**WILL HE SURVIVE? IS RON DEAD? REVIEW AND MAYB FIND OUT!**


End file.
